Mexico 1.0: Cancun - machetes, machine guns & margaritas!

Oh... and sun, sand and ... a surf beach too! They're a given in Cancun, right? I never thought two of the three M's above would also be givens, but that's what you get when you leave Cancun's "Zona Hotelera" (I bet you can translate that all by yourselves) ... but I'll get to that adventure in a minute ...

First and foremost I must start at the beginning ... (or almost, anyway) Texas airport! I'm sure you've heard the common saying "everything is bigger in Texas" - this couldn't be more accurate. In fact, I'd go as far as to say that if Natalie lived in Texas (bear with me, only talking in third person for un momento) she'd be a helluva lot bigger too! The ribs at the airport alone were a sight to see, not to mention the rest of the smorgasbord of deliciously saucy, fatty food. So Texas airport was fun, but I didn't enjoy the generally rude people and the stupid airport buggies motoring back and forth every two minutes deliberately trying to run people over. They didn't even have horns, so the airport workers driving them would just yell at people to get out of the way. That was kinda funny actually (but not when you almost get run over!)

Pre Race Day

So despite the numerous attempts by Texas airport staff to run us over, we eventually made it to Cancun in once piece. Unfortunately Steve's beloved bike was not so fortunate as it had a few hiccups in transit (he tries not to think about it!) so Thursday for us was spent mostly learning that Mexican hotel workers don't understand a large majority of words associated with triathlon and/or cycling/bikes in general .. in any capacity at all. Steve's conversations with the hotel workers went something like this ....

Steve: {in long, slow, drawn-out speech} Hi. I was wondering where I can find the bike mechanic. I am doing the triathlon on Sunday and my bike was damaged on the flight here. I have to find the mechanic so I can get it fixed. The brakes aren't working. The mechanic is supposed to be at the host hotel which is next door but I am wondering if there is a bike mechanic in Cancun that specifically works with road or triathlon bikes. I need to find a bike shop.

Mexican Hotel Worker: {nods, with a perplexed look on his face} ... {no response} ... 

*PAUSE*

(Based on my analysis of the situation as it unfolded before me, I have determined the words I believe the hotel worker understood. You'll see these are the only words that remain in the paragraph above...)

Following what can only be described as an extraordinary language/translation FAIL , Steve's rule for the rest of the trip was "just don't talk to the Mexicans" ... that was until the tables turned and I became 'The Blitz' (you'll get this if you watch How I Met Your Mother). Consequently, my rule for the final four days was "just don't talk to Mexicans!".

So we stayed at the Grand Oasis Resort which was pretty spectacular. It was even better because September is low season in Cancun so the hotel was fairly quiet. Let's just say I'm pretty sure I couldn't handle it in peak season ... not for a second! Steve was excited during our first buffet breakfast morning (and not just for the buffet breakfast!) when he met three pro athletes who race for a team in Italy who were in Cancun for the race and who were staying at our hotel. He was even more excited when they asked if he was a pro as well. Mind you, the question of his pro status was not exclusive to the Italian athletes, he was asked twice more by completely different people. I can confirm his head has remained inflated (as a side note he just came in and told me to make sure there are lots of photos of him in this post because in the last post there were none!!). We like to think the Italians stalked us for the remainder of the trip too, as they seemed to eat everywhere and at exactly the same time as us!

One of the many snack & drink bars ... and the view - yes, it really does look like that!

Another tough day in Cancun

Relaxing by the pool

Posing ... like a "pro"

Buffet breakfast time - Steve's favourite!

There are so many fun memories from our Cancun trip, it would be impossible to detail every single one (and you know I'd love to). I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed the open bar full of pretty much any cocktail you like (they free-pour) while lovingly nicknaming Steve "dorky water-bottle guy" ("hydration" was the motto, you know!) for the first 4 days. I guess in a nut shell, hanging out at the resort was just like being on a cruise, minus the cruise part! After just three days I also declared that I had heard enough Black Eyed Peas, Rihanna and Usher to last a lifetime! All part of the fun of Cancun! I am also positive that I was absolutely the whitest person there. For once I was the minority and it was a little unnerving, I must admit.

A little volleyball, anyone?

Or perhaps a little more pool time ...

Ahh the beautiful beach ... and our beautiful faces ... hah

Yes Steven, you're in Cancun, and it's AWESOME.

So for the first few days I kept trying to remember to use Spanish when I could as I thought I may as well embrace it (even though I felt like an idiot) when I was there. The only problem was that my stupid brain kept jumbling up all the bits and pieces of languages I know, so every time I went to say "Hola", "Bonjour" would almost/half come out instead - total dork moments! A few times I heard a little "Buongiorno" slip out too. I kept getting so nervous before having to say "hello", "please" and "thank you" that I kept making myself practice in my head. Total disaster. I am happy to report after 8 days of freaking, I finally got my "Si's" and my "Gracias"'s down-pat! It also took me a few days to stop doing thumbs up to people back in Canada when I had to say "yes please" or "thanks" ... embarrassing!!

Part of my birthday present from Steve was a half day spa which I got to enjoy while we were in Cancun. I highly recommend a day at the spa in Cancun - cheap and luxurious! - I had a facial, massage and a chocolate body exfoliation and wrap - I smelled like chocolate icing!! (I even had one of those 'lip smacker' moments when you think that if you just had a tiny taste it might actually taste like it smells... but I promise I didn't, because let's face it, that's also a bit weird ...)

Race Day

So race day was pretty spectacular ... and spectacularly hot! What made it worse from the perspective of a spectator were the smelly mangroves by the course - worse than Vancouver port-a-loos... but not as bad as Mexican port-a-loos!! Seriously, the smell was so bad that I even had to weigh up the possibility of dehydration vs. having to step into one of the grotesque port-a-loos. In fact, I do not lie when I say I dry-reached every time there was a slight breeze. 

Steve raced really well despite the incredible heat. He was 3^rd after the swim & bike, but the heat eventually took its toll and he slipped to 7th by the finish. Nevertheless, an awesome effort - particularly under the conditions - I saw plenty of people collapsing all over the place after crossing the finish line! One of Steve's new pro friends came second overall and after catching up with him post-race we found out he'll be in Kona so we'll have someone we know to cheer for! 

Swim start

Getting ready to head off to the swim start!

The tough run!

More tough running... (I think this is when I yelled out "C'mon Steve, only 10k's to go" and almost copped a punch)

Our Mini Mexican Road Trip

In the days following the race, we took it pretty easy. We basically relaxed at beach and drank cocktails by the pool. All in all a tough life really! 

Knowing what I know now, I would question our sanity, but on our last full day in Cancun we decided to hire a little car and head off on what I like to call our "Mini Mexican Road Trip" - a 2.5 hour "quest" to Chichen Itza (an ancient Mayan site south-west of Cancun) and to find a cenote (a deep, natural sinkhole).

Getting to Chichen Itza was fairly straightforward as we cleverly decided to take the highway and pay the respective tolls (they get you twice over - State & Federal taxes - for everything). When we arrived there we realised we'd used all our money to pay the tolls and the various taxes to enter the site so we didn't have cash readily available to pay a tour guide. This was our first mistake. We ended up spending most of the two hours there inconspicuously following English tour guides around, listening to bits and pieces of the tours for free like massive tightarses. I even posed for photos near bits and pieces of different monuments so we could both listen to the tours without being completely obvious (I bet we still were!). 

Road Trip: The beginning (there is no Road Trip: The end shot - read on and it's self explanatory really....)

Vultures! Eww...

Road trip! Woo!

We amused ourselves by interpreting the road signs e.g. If you have a question, phone 'E' and he'll wash your hands!

I'm sure I was learning something interesting about these ruins when this photo was taken ...

Epic ruins

I'm not going to pretend I remember what this one was ... there wasn't a tour around when we were taking this photo!

He was a poser!!

Following our trip to Chichen Itza we stopped by a cenote and went for a swim - amazing!! The water was pretty cold (but welcomed) and we had a great time. It was certainly beautiful getting to swim in the clear, fresh water and with these huge fish (they looked like massive Black Moore Goldfish).

Some video footage of our jumps ...

 

The whole day was certainly an eye-opening experience for me. During our trip home we drove through many little towns of Yucatan and Quintana Roo, and having never seen any real poverty in my life, I was certainly taken aback. It definitely provided a swift reality check after spending the previous six days in the comfort of an all-inclusive resort. This said, I don't regret it for a second. Certainly the little towns versus the massive, multimillion dollar resorts - polar opposites - the contrasts between the 'Hotel Zone' and the rest of the state could not be more stark. As an animal lover what affected me the most were the skinny, stray dogs roaming the streets and the highway. It was pretty heartbreaking. Of course this probably sounds ridiculous to most people, given the apparent human poverty, but what frustrated me even more was the fact that the people were generally pretty well-rounded (let's say), yet the dogs were skin and bone. It made me sick to my stomach - I wanted to stop and feed the dogs, but at the same time I didn't want to get knifed by a machete! Yes, a machete. I even had to double-take when I saw my first one. After that day, I was a machete and machine gun pro! Everywhere we drove there were people roaming around with machetes slung on their waists and official-looking soldiers of some sort carrying machine guns. We decided to look straight ahead and for this reason, I have no photographs!! I am told that the machetes would, most likely, not be for us, but for doing day-to-day things like slashing long grass (I actually did see this happening) or ... slicing the top off a bottle of coke (yes, I saw this happening too!!). Handy things those machetes ... 

Good old Coca Cola -  transcends social class!

So on the way home it's safe to say we got a little lost.  In fact, we arrived back at the resort about 2 hours later than anticipated. But that's the good news and boy was I glad! For a moment there I thought we'd I'd never make it alive. I am not exaggerating!! (maybe just a little). Steve was the driver for our trip so, naturally, I was the navigator. This is clearly not my forte. Mind you, I managed to navigate us home, through central Cancun (over a million potholes) and back to the Hotel Zone (I can't tell you the relief I felt when I saw that big, beautiful 'Zona Hotelera' sign) using only a tourist map. That's right - no detailed street directory or even a Google map. Just a good old lame, vague, colourful tourist map. You bet I was cursing the hire-car guy who assured us it was easy ("so easy") to navigate using just the tourist map and the road signs. Of course it was easy for him - he's fluent in Spanish!

Nevertheless I am happy to report that impromptu mini Mexican road trips strengthen relationships ...

Every now and then, after a big, wonderful trip, the inevitable post-holiday blues ensue. But once you’ve been back for a few days you remember that life isn’t so bad where it’s at … in fact, it’s pretty damn good.